• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • TikTok
  • Twitter
The Whole Pickle

Living A Whole Life

  • Home
  • About
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Privacy Policy
  • Food
    • Recipes
  • Whole30
    • My Whole30 Story
    • 1:1 Whole30 Coaching Packages
    • Group Coaching
  • Blog
  • Lifestyle
    • Beautycounter
    • Essential Oils
    • Health
    • Recovery
  • Fill Your Cup
    • Fill Your Mind
    • Recovery Communities
Musings, Recovery  /  November 30, 2020

Defining Sobriety: What’s In A Name?

Defining Sobriety: What’s In A Name?

I recently celebrated a decade of sobriety.  Yet, I find myself having an identity crisis of sorts. This crisis has nothing to do with staying sober but is all about defining sobriety for myself. I struggle with my label.  Am I an alcoholic?  An addict? Sober? In recovery? A survivor? Alcohol-free? A warrior? All of the above? Yes and no, depending on the day the question is asked.  I cannot seem to define my sobriety in one label and maybe I don’t have to do so. 

Sobriety word concept on cubes.
Photo Credit Яна Василевская

Evolving Sobriety Definitions

Before I go any further, I’d like to clarify that support the current efforts to refrain from naming people by their disease. I understand that it can be dehumanizing to refer to a person as a diabetic or schizophrenic rather than as a person with diabetes or schizophrenia. I get it. However, I struggle with some of the terms being used for those of us who have abused drugs and alcohol such as Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) or Substance Use Disorder (SUD).

I agree with much of what Holly Whitaker discussed in her book Quit Like a Woman, although I had to listen to her book in parts because it challenged so much of what had become the foundations of my sobriety. Whether you believe alcohol contributes to your health in any amount is only for you to decide, but I am starting to wonder if healthy alcohol use exists. Either way, society should not view me as abnormal because I don’t drink.

Recovery is Ongoing

Perhaps I can’t define sobriety because it is very personal and has no endpoint. I don’t believe that there is a day that I will awake and think, “Okay, I’ve got this now. I can stop doing the work.” I say that because, over the course of ten years, there have been times when I have slacked off on doing that work. Most of the time, I got away with it without too much harm. That was, until a few years ago when life circumstances caused me to struggle.

I was fortunate enough to escape without picking up a drink or a drug, but that doesn’t mean I escaped unharmed. My belief is that you can relapse without relapsing. I switched out the drugs and the drink for spending, food, and Olympic-level avoidance. Food became my numbing agent of choice; I lost and gained the same 15 pounds five times over before landing at my highest lifetime weight. When I finished my BSN, I pursued a Master’s degree instead of taking a break, volunteered for organizations I didn’t have time for, and binge-watched more shows than I can count. I’m not even going to talk about the retail therapy. Frozen by the emotions I was facing, I managed to hide it well. Anyone looking from the outside would have thought I had it all together and that life was grand. This went on for nearly two years and I’m still cleaning up the wreckage.

Complicated Recovery

I think of my recovery as complicated recovery, much the same way as some grief can be complicated. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long-lasting and severe that you can have trouble recovering from the loss and returning to living your own life. My recovery is layered. I may have put down the alcohol and drugs in 2010, but my recovery only started there. The layers weren’t even visible to me in the beginning and, the more work I do, the more layers I find. I’ve had to work through childhood trauma, toxic relationships, sexual abuse, dysfunction, and more. Learning that the very things that served me well in surviving my childhood are not healthy adult coping mechanisms has been challenging. Avoiding what’s right in front of me, numbing emotions, and withdrawing into myself are so ingrained in me; I have to be vigilant to refrain from using those skills. I don’t see myself as returning to living my life so much as learning to live my life.

My Definition of Sobriety

How do I define my sobriety? For me, I need a label that covers it all and some of the predefined labels just don’t fit. I have no problem saying I am an alcoholic or an addict, but those labels feel limiting and lacking for me. Instead, I have chosen to be in recovery. “In recovery” serves as a nice umbrella for all of the things I’m in recovery from and conveys that it’s ongoing.

I am a woman in recovery.

 

Some of the links found on The Whole Pickle are "affiliate links", a link with a special tracking code. This means if you click on an affiliate link and purchase the item, we will receive a small commission. The price of the item is the same whether it is an affiliate link or not. I only recommend products or services I believe in.  By using the affiliate links, you are helping support The Whole Pickle, and I genuinely appreciate your support.

Tags

  • musings
  • recovery
  • sober life
  • sobriety

Post navigation

Lazy Cabbage Roll Stew
Whole30 BBQ Sausage and Potato Hash

Related posts

Changing My Story: From Oil to Water
Musings, Recovery  /  October 7, 2020
2 Comments

Changing My Story: From Oil to Water

Health, Musings, Recovery  /  January 18, 2020
2 Comments

You Are Where You Are

A quick poll of my recovery friends would result in confirmation that my least favorite saying is, “It is what it is.” It’s my least favorite because it has been said to me so many times in response to my impatience. I have been impatient

Read More

Recovery  /  January 17, 2020
2 Comments

7 Places I’d Like to Visit Outside of the United States

Italy Toronto Scotland Galway The Netherlands Spain Greece Some of the links found on The Whole Pickle are “affiliate links”, a link with a special tracking code. This means if you click on an affiliate link and purchase the item, we will receive a small

Read More

Share your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Don't Miss a Slice!

  • Elara Pro by LyraThemes.com
  • Made by LyraThemes.com © The Whole Pickle
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Ok

Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy

We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Close